Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
