bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You made out with two different species that night
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
