He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
