I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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