If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
