Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
