dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
