just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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