We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
