dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
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