I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
