Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
