i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
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