have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
