Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
