Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
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