whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
