You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
