I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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