Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
