youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
