If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
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