i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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