PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
