so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
