so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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