Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
