i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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