why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
