I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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