Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
