i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
