Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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