Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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