Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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