TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
