this just has baby written all over it
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
