my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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