I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize