I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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