I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
