We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Pooping to opera.
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