does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
