I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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