Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
