How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
