The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize