Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
