I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
