RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
