His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
