Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
