never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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