told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize