everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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