I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
