instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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