Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
