New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
