so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
