If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
