I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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