Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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