And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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