Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
