Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
